WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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