even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
