he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
