i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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