I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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