ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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