physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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