I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
