Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
