i already hear my dad disowning me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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