she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
