why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
