i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
