I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There r osticjed everywhere
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
