Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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