; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
