I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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