Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
