I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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