She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
