Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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