I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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