I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
