I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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