I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
