Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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