just tell him i said nine months
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
