508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
