She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize