Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
