the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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