i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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