Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
