just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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