I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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