well you can't waste a boner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
