i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I cut my penus on the lid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
