I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize