i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
