There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
