If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize