Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
