Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
