Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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