last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
