Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
