Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
