Me too!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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