i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
