I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
