apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
