I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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