something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
