so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
