she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize