After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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