My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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