btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
