i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
