I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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