when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
