At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
