She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
