he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
