Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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