All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
