I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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