remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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