Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
